abandon

There's this thing in life that every single person desires. Freedom.

Everyone finds freedom somehow. Whether that is swimming at a nude beach. Or dressing weird and being ok with that. Some people simply live by themselves and try not to be involved in the rest of the universe. The only true freedom is found in Christ. He gives us freedom from the bondage of our sin and from so much more.

When I think of freedom, I think of a girl, running through a field. Her hair is flying behind her and is caught in the wind. She is laughing, throwing her head to the sky. She is running free. The evening sun is sparkling in her eyes and her laughter warbles with the birds. She is alone, with her God. Nothing can mar this time with Him. She is feeling peace, and freedom, and nothing can rob her of it.

I love freedom. I want more freedom in my life. There is a deep pulling in my heart that screams for more and more freedom in my life. I feel like I need freedom to be myself in the midst of a society that tries to make me somebody else. I need freedom to be different, and to be ok with that. I need freedom to rest in Christ, and to realize that nothing else matters, except what He thinks.

this life.

i am a pebble. lying on the ocean floor.

i am suddenly tossed aside by a shattering wave. now i am falling. falling through the graves of the water. finally, finally, i am washed ashore. but then i am washed back. i cannot stay. the waves grope at me and pull me out again. again, and again, i am pushed, pulled, rolled around. i once again reach the shore and try as hard as i can to stay on the ground. i made it, and i relax. trying to live life here where i am. it is ok. i know life here. and i am comfortable.

all too soon, though, another huge wave comes crashing towards me. it pulls me down, and nothing i do can hold me back. once again, i have to relocate and change my life. my circumstances are such a huge part of what i'm feeling. one day, i find myself far up on the shore. there is no way the wave can reach me. i am really loving life and enjoying it where i am. suddenly, a hand reaches out and flings me back to sea.

why? why does life have to be such a series of changes? why can't i live where i like it?

and i have noticed that the waves are shaping me. i am not who i used to be. every time another wave pushes me, i let a little bit of myself in that place. slowly, i am changing, and there's nothing i can do, but change along with my life and circumstances. because all of life is a process of changing. and i am grateful i can change. but why does it have to be so hard?

i am a pebble. rolling in the waves. waiting to see where else i will be thrown.