The Tears of the Children

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He is sobbing. He hugs his knees and wails. "I miss my mom. I just want my mom." I hug him. He says, "She isn't coming back. She has to work and isn't home. I hate it. I Hate It."
I rub his back. I squeeze his finger. "She will come back. She loves you, because you're her son."
His sobbing quietly continues. I want to take him home, and never let him see hurt again. I want to protect his heart from the world. "We're almost home. It will be ok."
"But she's not at home! I just want my mom!" He sobs into his knees, realizing that home is no longer.
"I am sorry. It will be ok. She still loves you." I hold him, quietly crying with him.
Jesus says, "Bring him to me. I will carry him. I will heal him. I will wipe his tears away, giving him hope and love instead of sadness. I will show him what love is, and how to fill the hole in his heart."
Jesus, please protect his heart. Hold him in your hand, as you have promised.

Worth the People

I have been thinking about relationships. Are they really worth it?
They say the closer someone is to you, the easier it is to get hurt. And I know this. You don't have to have a broken relationship to find this out.
So why do we all do it? It hurts. Why do we make ourselves vulnerable to the pain in our hearts? Relationships are beautiful. Through them I have been encouraged, I have grown, I have learned. But sometimes I wonder.
Why do I pursue relationships that are fading? Why do I keep contact with a friend, knowing that in the end, it will come to nothing? Why do I keep calling someone to talk, when we both know that our relationship is going nowhere? Why do I even try to connect with a friend, when I know that it's more work than it's worth?
It hurts when you're so close to someone, you feel everything. The worst part is when they have no idea how they might be hurting you, and you don't have the heart to tell them.
Relationships are hard. They take work and time and effort, and that's not easy. So why do so many people spend their entire lives pursuing relationships?

My Creation

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They ask me what I do. I tell them I create. I create art. My favorite art is painting. I will let you judge how good I am. I love the paintings I create, but then again, I am the painter. Some are prettier than others. Some are dark and eerie. Some are a little flawed. But I think each one is beautiful. I create different masterpieces. Never have I made any one the same. I think they are more beautiful this way, and it makes them more special and valuable.
I love my paintings. Every single one of them, even though some seem more beautiful than others. To me, they are all of the same value, and they are all special. I don't care how ugly or how boring it looks to others, but I think it is valuable, because I made it.
I don't love my paintings because of anything they have done, how they look, how valuable they are to others, or what they are used for. I love them, because I created them. I designed them exactly like I wanted them. I made them perfect in my plan, so I love them. Nothing they could ever do would make me love them less.
My paintings are the favorite part of art for me. But I create other art as well. Like sculpting. I also sculpted the universe. But my paintings are the most special to me.

twentyfourteen

 

Dear Twenty-fourteen,

I don't know you yet. I don't know what you will bring into my life. I am a little suspicious, because that's who I am.

But I really am excited as well. Because anything could happen. Anything, really. Death, life, adventure, pain, laughter. Anything.

Dear Twenty-fourteen. I know a few things about you. I know you will bring change into my life. In my past, I have resented change. And I might just hate you because of the change you bring. But I'm working on that. And just because you're hated doesn't mean that's not who you're supposed to be.

I don't need easy. I only need possible.

And with my God, all things are possible.

Because of you, I want to grow on my own. I want to learn to live and think independently of those around me. This year I will be more alone then I have ever been. But I embrace you, Twenty-fourteen, because I think that may be a good thing.

Give me lots of laughter. Please. Remind me to slow down and really live. Bring good people into my life that I can benefit from. Make me cry. Change me and make me better. Surprise me. Teach me to love. Give me opportunities to show kindness.

Twenty-fourteen, you are huge. You are new. And exciting.

It's twenty-fourteen, and anything could happen.

xoxo

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be kind

 

Kindness. I wish there would be more kindness in this world. I have been thinking about it a lot recently. People are so cruel and selfish. All they ever do, they do for themselves.
I believe in kindness. I believe in love. I think if everybody would be kind to their neighbor and to their brother, and the Walmart cashier, and the waitress, it would spread like wildfire. Everybody wants to be loved. Nobody wants to be yelled at. But people do it all the time and make so many other lives miserable.
At the checkout, a lady didn't have money to pay all her items. As she was taking an item off her bill, a man, three people back in the line, grabs his wallet, and pulls out a bill. He insists on paying it for her. When she mildly protests, he insists. "No, take it. It's not from me. It's from the Lord. Please, take it!"
When he came up to check out, the cashier thanked him for doing it. "No, don't thank me. It was from the Lord! It's his money."
Boom. Here I am, watching her count her last bills, and a random man insists on helping her out in the Lord's name. It was amazing. He had no second thought; he only saw someone who was in need, and he helped her out, because that is what Jesus has asked of us.
And I think life would be so much better if everyone would be more kind.
So, I try to be kind. Maybe I can't change the world. But I'll still be kind to those around me.

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All About the Journey

All I know is that I don't want to live another year like I am living now. It's not that I hate my life. I actually enjoy it a lot, for the most part.

 

But I want to get out there and live my adventure. You only live once. This is my only chance. I only get one shot to live my life right. And I want to get out there and do something great, and live something crazy.

 

I want to get out and start my adventure. But at the same time, I am extremely scared. I'm scared I'm not going to be good enough. And I'm scared of what other people think. I'm scared to make the first move. I'm scared to leave my family and my church. I'm scared I'm going to fail. I'm scared of what may happen after I make the first move. I'm scared of who I will become.

 

And that last statement maybe scares me the most.

 

Because I like my life. I love who I am. I have come to embrace my flaws, and understand why I am who I am, and how I function. And I love that I know so much about who I am. But if I change so much, it will never be the same.

 

I have to ask myself, am I willing to take the risks?

 

Light of the World

 Sunday evening, my youth group went to Pittsburgh. To hang out. And also to evangelize to people we met. I didn't have an awesome time. It went ok. I had people laughing at me. I had people looking at me as if I were crazy and I had a crazy religion. As we were singing once, we had someone yelling at us, exalting the devil. As if he knew his god was being threatened, and he had to defend him.
When I really think about it though,
Jesus didn't ask me to go out and have fun. Or to go out, and everyone will love me. He didn't tell me to just talk to the receptive people. Or the needy-looking people.
He directed us to people He cares about. Maybe we encouraged that regular church-attendant who looked at us funny. Maybe we made that one couple stop and think about what life is all about.
He asked us to go out there and do hard things. It never was promised that people would listen or respond.
But He still asked me to plant the seed.
And I did what I could do. Yes, I probably could have done something more. But it was a learning experience.
And I still hope, and I still feel joy, that somehow, something will come of those seeds that were planted. Because maybe that person will be prepared for the next time he hears some more truth.
Today I talked to someone, and she said, "Where's the sunshine? (it was rainy and cold) You always bring sunshine whenever you come!"
Do I really bring sunshine into your life? I really hope I shine a light into your darkness. And the more I think about it, the more I like to think about the fact that maybe she was talking about more than just sunshine and happiness, but maybe a true light.
It's all about shining a light in the darkness. Even if you can't illuminate the room. Even if you can't see the end result. Be that light.

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